I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
