I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
where are my eyebrows?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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