I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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