i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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