i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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