Nicole vs. Life
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there is puke in my bra ... again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
