Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just threw up on my dentist
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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