Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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