oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
