Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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