"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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