I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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