Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
