did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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