i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
