How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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