Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
