Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
