remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
