I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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