I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
