I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
