So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
