Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
