Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
