Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
