She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
