You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
