OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
