it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
