I just saw a hot homeless man
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's like iHOP with fire
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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