I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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