I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
