you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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