you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I believe in your delicious
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
