I want to walk on stilts...naked
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My underwear smells like fireworks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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