I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
