I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
