I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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