Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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