I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
