i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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