I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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