weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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