he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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