Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
