I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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