At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
