Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
