i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
