We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
