apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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